I’m glad to start a new calendar year, and another year older as a happier me! I’m looking forward to my birthday plans. I’ve invited a couple of friends to attend a murder mystery dinner. It’s an interactive show with a 4 course meal included. Think of the movie Clue. I’ve been wanting to do this since I was a kid, but never got my act together in organizing it. They even promote coming in costume, and I have the perfect 1920s flapper theme outfit to wear! Playing dress up and a show?! Sign me up! My actual birthday is on Saturday and I will be doing my traditional family dinner at a nice restaurant. It should be a perfect and entertaining weekend! I will update with pictures later.
Before I talked about signing up for a 5k every month of the year. For the month of January, I signed up for the Hypnotic Donut Dash. That’s right, donut dash. I figured keeping the races fun will help me stay motivated with my running. Well, I finished the race (running the entire time) in under 32 minutes. I had a couple of friends join me, but they aren’t as into running as I am, and I think they were more dedicated to enjoying the free beer and donuts that followed the race. Of course, I only enjoyed the donuts! I’m so glad I did the race, it was a really fun experience! I can’t wait until the next one.
Here is a picture of us post race, donuts in hand.
The race went around Fair Park, which is the historic fairgrounds in Dallas. If you’re not familiar with Fair Park, or Dallas, this is where the famous State Fair of Texas is held every year. The grounds hold a special place in my heart, as the State Fair is my favorite time of year. It’s a magical time, and Dallas is a different place during the month-long fair. The architecture on the grounds is spectacular, historic structures mostly following an art deco theme. I’ve included a picture, below. Actually, now that I think about it, my cover picture on the homepage/About Me page is of the Texas Star, which is the iconic ferris wheel that has become an integral part of the Dallas skyline. Here is a picture of my friend and I post race with the ferris wheel in the background.
After the race, I hung out with a few close friends and we made a nice 3 course dinner. I guess I was super anxious that night. I completely binged on so much food while preparing the meal. I mean, it was disgusting. Even my friend asked what was wrong with me and if I was nervous about something. I ate chocolate, candies, hummus and dip, and anything else I could get my hands on. This is after having donuts for breakfast and Thai food for lunch. I never felt full the entire day. And then I had seconds of dinner. I’m not sure what my 2000 calorie (on top of my normal daily caloric intake) binge fest was about, but it grossed me out. I have tried to put it behind me and be kind to myself instead of feeling disgusted with myself. I’m very strict with my diet and exercise regimen during the weekdays, and I’ve been struggling with finding the right recipe to get the results I’m looking for.
I stress all week with logging and calculating every meal and regulating my macronutrient percentages only to see the numbers go up on my Friday progress day. I think I’d just had it this weekend. I do allow for quite a bit of flexibility on the weekends, as far as cheat meals and treats are concerned, but this weekend was out of control! About 4 years ago, I’d hit such a high weight that I decided I had to make a change. I was always the pudgy girl growing up. Getting teased, binging on afternoon snacks when I got home, and all around feeling fat and depressed for most of my adolescence. I lost 50 pounds and I’m now considered quite small. This was frustrating since for the past few years I knew my body to a T. I knew when and what I could eat and how my body would react. I maintained a weight within a 5-10 pound range depending on the time of year, and could accommodate for those events/holidays that involved eating. I guess I have to learn a new recipe. I also keep telling myself that I need to finally love my body and be happy. I’m fit and healthy, yet I still see the little fat girl when I look in the mirror. I’m taking a lifetime of insecurities and trying to reverse them in a fraction of the time that it took to cultivate. I’m figuring out that I need to find a happy medium of nourishing and exercising in a healthy way, but not falling into either extreme end of the spectrum. Like I say, this is me in progress. I’ll figure it all out and the stars will align…someday.
Has anyone else struggled with their eating habits and weight? I'd like to hear your story :)